Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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