I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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