Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
