Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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