Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
