i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
