This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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