Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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