What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
