if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
