Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Randomize
