You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
