I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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