I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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