So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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