She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
