So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm just crazy horny about you
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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