I think I died a long time ago.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
