dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
