as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
