I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
