Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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