You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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