I wish my penis had an off switch
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
bring money and cleavage
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
