T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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