I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
