She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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