The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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