Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
