he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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