I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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