I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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