Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Randomize
