i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
