For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
i believe in u and ur pee
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
