M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
