And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
