I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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