did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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