ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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