Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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