I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
