I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
