Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
