At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
