He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
