So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Still dying that you shit outside
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
