U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I'm really busy with my period
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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