I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
She told me I should be a condom model.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
