Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
