i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
