oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
