In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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