You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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