btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Randomize
