could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
