Having a random hookup so left but love u
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
