I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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